Speaking Life Into Motherhood ~ Routines, Time Management, Holistic Health, Self Care, Autism, ADHD, Neurodiversity, Special Needs, Disabilities

30 Why Your Child's ADHD or Behavioral Symptoms Might Actually Be Unintegrated Reflexes (And What Exhausted Christian Moms Can Do)

• Season 1 • Episode 30

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Are you exhausted from watching your child struggle in the classroom while feeling like you're missing something important? 

Do you suspect your child needs support but don't know where to start or feel overwhelmed by the options? 

What if the key to helping your wiggly, unfocused child isn't another diagnosis, but addressing foundational reflexes that never properly integrated?

In this episode, I sit down with Tiffany Parsons, a practicing occupational therapist, pastor's wife, and twin mom who is revolutionizing how families access therapeutic support in non-traditional settings. Tiffany shares her journey from outpatient pediatric OT to teaching at a micro school, revealing how primitive reflexes, core stability, and simple sensory strategies can transform a child's ability to learn and thrive. This conversation is packed with practical hope for exhausted moms who feel stuck between knowing their child needs help and not knowing where to find it - especially for families navigating ADHD, autism, and other neurodiversity challenges.


Connect with Tiffany Parsons:

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:


Key Takeaways:

  • Primiti

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Connect with the host: Elyse Scheeler


Disclaimer
The views and opinions expressed in this episode are those of the guests and hosts and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Speaking Life Into Motherhood. None of the advice or discussion on the podcast is medical advice. Always consult with your medical provider before using any supplements, essential oils, or therapy methods.

Elyse Scheeler (00:01)
Welcome back everyone. Today I am so excited to have Tiffany Parsons with us. Tiffany is a pastor's wife, a bonus mom, and a twin mom. She is currently helping teach at a micro school where her twin boys attend. As a practicing occupational therapist for over a decade, she is passionate about sharing her God-given knowledge in order to help as many families as possible. Welcome Tiffany.

Tiffany Parsons (00:22)
Thank you so much for having me.

Elyse Scheeler (00:24)
Thank you so much for being here. So I am so excited as an SLP, you know, I love my OTs, right? We're always, we're always doing stuff together. And I think that it's just...

Tiffany Parsons (00:31)
Elaborating.

Elyse Scheeler (00:33)
Exactly.

It's such a great thing to be able to have another therapist on to kind of talk about some of the topics that are on the hearts of the mamas who are listening, especially somebody who is coming from a Christ-driven and Christ-centered place. So just tell me a little bit more about yourself and maybe what led you to now be teaching at this micro school.

Tiffany Parsons (00:54)
Yes, so I quit my outpatient pediatric occupational therapy job to focus on homeschooling my twin boys. And in the process, I just realized that there wasn't very many therapeutic resources available in the homeschool, the private Christian school, and the micro school communities. So I actually opened up a private practice with the intention of treating every student that I could, which was totally not

Not a great goal. And I realized that I had to step back and just kind of educate others on what occupational therapy is and who needs it and who would benefit and how to find those resources. So I kind of switched gears in doing more type education versus treatment because like I said, I'm still homeschooling.

And then we found a microschool down the road, which has been a huge blessing to our family. But when my boys came two years ago, they weren't able to separate from me. So I found myself like volunteering, hanging around, and now I'm a teacher. So I'm very blessed to have that opportunity. It's not where I saw myself going, but we know that God works in crazy ways to kind of push us out of our comfort zone. So that's kind of where I'm at right now.

Elyse Scheeler (02:00)
you

Tiffany Parsons (02:12)
and who knows what doors will open in the future.

Elyse Scheeler (02:15)
Yeah, I love that. think a lot of the things that we do as, you know, OT and speech as well is there's a lot of parent coaching.

and that family coaching model. And some of those things can be even more effective at times depending on what the needs are of those kiddos. so incorporating that totally makes sense. I love that. So can I ask you, do your boys have any challenges or difficulties that you've had to work through?

Tiffany Parsons (02:26)
Right. Yes.

Yes. So my boys, like you said before, they're twins and they were born at 30 weeks. And I wish I knew then what I know now as far as primitive reflexes, reflex integration and things like that. I didn't begin to start learning that in depth until they were a couple years old. And so...

I had them evaluated several times because I was afraid I was overlooking something and as a therapist that's the last thing that I would want, you know, and they never qualified when they were under the age of three. However, as they got older I had one and they are totally opposite personality wise. I had one who struggled a lot with emotional regulation and so I actually took him in to see my coworkers because it was very hard for me to be mom and therapist.

very hard time differentiating those two roles. So I did take my boys to my co-workers to be treated. And the other one, he had like some sequencing, higher level thinking skills that needed addressed and they have both since discharged. And I've worked on things here in their home as I see, but it's just different when they're your own.

Elyse Scheeler (03:57)
yeah, no, I understand that

both of my kids having my functional difficulties and trying to incorporate that in it can be a real challenge. so yeah, so I love that. So you obviously like you've been there, right? We've been in the trenches or the city.

Tiffany Parsons (04:09)
Right.

Elyse Scheeler (04:10)
those challenges and especially, I think that's something too, is that something that I hear from parents and moms especially is like, well, you're a therapist, so you know this. It's like, just because I'm a therapist does not mean that I know everything. And a lot of it is really hard to be able to separate that. So I think it's important for our listeners to understand that it's okay to ask for help. We all ask for help, whether or not we think we are the best in whatever area of treatment

Tiffany Parsons (04:24)
Right?

Elyse Scheeler (04:40)
we're still going to probably ask for help. So not being afraid to seek out some of those resources wherever you are in your school, in your home school, in that micro school, you know, that's going to be beneficial for your kiddo. Tell me more about the micro school and maybe some of the things that you've helped to implement for those kids that are attending there.

Tiffany Parsons (04:59)
Yes,

so it has been an amazing experience. Like I said, it's just on the road. They started the year that my boys went into school and it is two days a week. So we're in school setting on Tuesdays and Thursdays and we're at home doing school on Monday, Wednesday, Friday. And they have been super gracious in allowing me to start every day with what we call stretches. We're waking up our mind and our body. We're crossing midline.

We're getting some flexion and extension. ⁓ We start that right after we do morning prayer, the Pledge of Allegiance, sing the doxology, and they know that stretches come next. And so that's a great way to just get the whole entire school ready. After that, I have been allowed to kind of screen the students that are here, and I'm able to, you know, make referrals to the parents.

hey, if you want them to be seen, I can do it while I'm here. If not, here are the outpatient facilities available. But it's just nice to have the extra set of eyes to kind of point out when your child is struggling and when services are needed because like I'm finding out, not everybody knows.

Elyse Scheeler (06:09)
yeah, I I think that there's a lot of that. I have several clients that I recently evaluated where like I'm the first person to say like, do you have concerns about this or that, know, and everyone, well, the pediatrician said it's fine. You know, just...

Tiffany Parsons (06:22)
Mmm.

Elyse Scheeler (06:23)
And I do not bash pediatricians, but sometimes it feels a little frustrating, right? And that's why it's so good. And so what a blessing at that school to be able to have somebody who can kind of be that additional set of eyes. Let's say, and I'm sure that you've seen this, I think that a lot of kids, especially when we're talking in the traditional school setting, there's a lot of bubble kids, right? Those kids that like maybe their academics aren't that bad, but they really have a hard time keeping it together. And sometimes they're getting in

Tiffany Parsons (06:46)
Mm-hmm.

Elyse Scheeler (06:51)
but it's not enough to qualify for special education services. Maybe they've got that ADHD diagnosis or like questioning happening. Do you have any suggestions specifically for parents of those kids for things that they can do? Like maybe the stretches that you were talking about, is that something they can incorporate at home? Are there ways that they can help better prepare their kiddos to work on that good regulation, whether it's sensory or emotional as they start the school year?

Tiffany Parsons (07:20)
Yes, absolutely. So I always tell everybody that we each have a sensory system. And everybody's is different. So whether they are sensory seekers or they're easily over-stimulated or on the opposite end of being under-stimulated, those are actually often the ones that get overlooked because they're not being that squeaky wheel in the classroom. They need a little extra to have that alertness. And so oftentimes,

They're the ones that are overlooked and maybe struggle academically because they just need a little bit extra sensory input to get them going. Now, those who seek those sensory activities, who are bouncing around, I do a lot of education on reflexes. I don't know how familiar you are with primitive reflexes and reflex integration, but whenever kiddos are having challenges, I almost always believe that there is something underlying

at a more foundational level that could be addressed that will in turn help those challenging behaviors. So for instance, for a kiddo who can't sit still, oftentimes those kiddos, they have a lack of body awareness, so they have to constantly be moving to understand where their body is in space. So they're seeking that through proprioceptive input. They're like moving around to kind of say, ⁓ here I am, bumping into this, here I am.

So if we can increase their body awareness, then they don't need to be moving around so much and they have the ability to sit and focus and take in the information that they're learning. Now another thing is there's reflexes on our back. Those are hypersensitive. The clothing that they're wearing, the back of the chair, can activate them, set them off, and it's uncomfortable and it makes them a little more wiggly in their chair. Oftentimes we'll go to the doctor and we'll want an ADHD

diagnosis and potentially medication and I'm not against all those things. However, I do prefer to try to do a more holistic natural treatment before we get to that. So there are things that we can look at. There are exercises like you said that we could do to try to meet those sensory needs. Whatever you want to call it, brain breaks, sensory breaks. So that we're getting that deep pressure, we're getting that vestibular movement,

We are giving our body what it's seeking so that we're able to sit down and attend and learn. And some kiddos might need more frequent breaks than others or longer breaks than others. So it's important to just recognize that and, you know, everybody's different. So every classroom, every homeschool space will look different.

Elyse Scheeler (09:58)
that I am asking for my own kiddos. Are there specific things to look for or is it very specifically, you you have to go to an OT? Like, how do I know which reflexes have not been integrated or are there like warning signs of like this reflex specifically needs to be integrated?

Tiffany Parsons (10:15)
Yeah, there's definitely more research and resources out there now than there has been in the past. So I've recently came across a company called Harkla. I don't know if you've seen any of their ads where they do educational courses online and it can be for therapists and you can do your continuing ed with it or they have, you know, a less expensive option where parents and teachers can take the course and they do a great job at

explaining what the primitive reflexes are and what they look like if they aren't integrated properly or if they aren't mature. And there's simple exercises that you can do at home that you don't have to be a therapist in order to do. However, if you have concerns, if you don't feel comfortable, I'd absolutely recommend trying to find a therapist near you, one that specializes in reflex integration because again, that's not something that's super common.

Don't recall learning it to the extent that I know it now in college.

Elyse Scheeler (11:14)
Yeah, I think that that's like my functional therapy for me with speech is that you know, same thing. You need to find somebody who knows what they're what they're doing and a lot of the references. We talk about that a lot with feeding with some of the babies too. So I love that. That's amazing. What about getting the kiddos set up in the classroom? So I know you have a classroom. Are there things that parents can do as far as talking to the teachers or even within their own homes to help with just general regular

Tiffany Parsons (11:28)
Mm-hmm.

Elyse Scheeler (11:44)
whether it be sensory or emotional.

Tiffany Parsons (11:47)
Yes,

so a lot of mental prep is important for this big transition. It's hard for any child, even if they don't have reflex challenges or challenges in general. mean, change is hard. And so we're going from what we did at summer, whether your parents are home with you or you stayed at a daycare with grandparents, and then we're completely changing routine. So I think a lot of talk about it is important. But also, I like to point out that

80 % of our sensory input is through our vision. so number one, trying to keep visual things down so that we don't get overstimulated, but number two, we can use that to our advantage. So visual schedules I'm a huge fan of because that way I have my little name tag and on the back I have my teacher's schedule on it. And I found that last year the kids would say, where are we on the schedule?

And that just helped them mentally know, we have lunch next, or we have gym next, or this many classes until we leave. And it really helps them to kind of prep for any transitions throughout the day. So just talking about it, maybe doing a visual schedule, if that's something that the teacher would be open to implementing during their day would really help with that transition as well. But just understanding.

all of our senses. ⁓ I'm sure you've heard that we have eight senses and not five. I tell every teacher and parent when I do trainings just because sometimes we overlook that proprioceptive input or that vestibular input or that interoception awareness. That's important with transitions and just our everyday going through the routine.

I think all of that is super important.

Elyse Scheeler (13:28)
that I'm gonna link ⁓ since you brought that up I actually did an episode just on using visuals so I will make sure that I link

Tiffany Parsons (13:35)
cool!

Elyse Scheeler (13:36)
that for anybody who maybe didn't hear that one. But yeah, we talk about that a lot. I use a visual schedule in my house. ⁓ We have visuals and I always say too, like if it's a good, especially early childhood classroom, they should have a visual schedule. know, don't go like, if the teacher doesn't, like they probably would love to, but they don't have time. But like, you know, thinking about ways that you can encourage, encourage that and support them as a parent too. And then making sure too, I don't know, like you kind of like you said, I've been in classrooms

Tiffany Parsons (13:42)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Elyse Scheeler (14:04)
where they have a visual schedule, but I'm like, I don't know where we are. Like I know where we are, but it is completely overwhelming. then, know, looking for at home, right? Thinking about, it's good to have the visuals, but make it be, if you have a lot of things that are happening, maybe we only show the first half of the day. And then when they're done, we can get over to them, it's very obvious. You know, what I'm gonna do.

Tiffany Parsons (14:08)
Yeah.

Right.

Absolutely, yeah.

Elyse Scheeler (14:27)
what's going to be next with all of those things. What about, I know that maybe this isn't what you specialize in, but a lot of parents, especially for those littles...

are always thinking about like fine motor skills too. Is there anything or like words of advice or words of wisdom that you could give some of those parents? Especially I know for a lot of people in my circle, there's a lot of people who have kids that are going to kindergarten and there's this worry of all the things, ⁓ suggestions or maybe strategies or words of wisdom when it comes to more of the fine motor types of stuff?

Tiffany Parsons (14:40)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Right?

Yeah,

so there's a saying that proximal, hold on, let me get this right. Proximal stability creates distal mobility, okay? So let me just break that down for you. Everyone comes to me worrying about fine motor and handwriting and all those things. And usually when I get to a kiddo and I'm doing treatment, I'm not addressing them right away because we need to work on their core first.

Okay, so we need to be posturally stable before we can even worry about what's going on out here. Because if, you know, we're trying to hold a pencil right, but we can't even hold our body up, we're slouching, we're compensating, you know, it's going to be a lost cause if we're just making them write, write, write. Okay, so I always want to make sure that we're working on our core strength. We're supporting them in, at their seated.

at their desk or wherever they do school, that they're at a 90-90-90 degree, their feet are flat on the ground, they're supported with their elbow, all the things before we even get to fine motor. But that's not to say that I'm not a big fan of the Play-Doh play introducing different fine motor activities, but it's just important to know that we need to address the core first and then work our way out.

I'm also a huge fan of vertical play, so working on our shoulders strengthening by either writing or playing with magnets on the refrigerator on a wall or something vertically so that we're increasing the strength there before we're moving out.

Elyse Scheeler (16:38)
I love that. think we should just do like some sort of course together talking about all these things. This is what I tell parents too, is that like if you want to work on all of this stuff up here, it's the same thing. If floor is not there, if you have poor posture, you have poor breast support, all those things. And so I think the message, you know, from what I'm hearing is like, we got to get back to basics. I think it's encouraging parents to really just

Tiffany Parsons (16:42)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Elyse Scheeler (17:07)
not put so much pressure on themselves and then focusing on that open field, allowing your child to go outside and play and have some play on a ball where they're laying on the ball and doing things is probably going to be better for their fine motor and for me, for breast support, for core, all of those things than have them sit and trying to do drill, whether it's speech sounds or writing, those types of things. just getting back to play and all of that.

Tiffany Parsons (17:09)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

thousand percent.

Elyse Scheeler (17:35)
and all of the things that we, know, kids used to get when they were out climbing trees, right? And flipping out the swings, and all that, and now we're, you we've got a lot of the, in front of the tablet all day long. I know you mentioned that you are a pastor's wife. How has, you know, being a believer, like how has that molded you, and has it maybe changed anything that you've done in your professional life?

Tiffany Parsons (17:40)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Right.

So when I first graduated and started working, I actually started at inpatient rehab. So I worked with the adult population. I was a believer then as well. I incorporated a lot of singing hymns and things like that in my treatment. And then I met and married my husband. I became a pastor's wife at the age of 25, which is pretty young. And then right before I had the twins, I

Switch gears and I kind of started working in the pediatric setting so It's been a really great journey Just because I feel like God has allowed me to not only work in pediatrics But piece together how he has designed us like in utero So I always say the academic learning begins in utero and people are like what like such a bold statement But it's like God has he's creating these reflexes in utero for

for survival and for safety and then they mature and develop so that we can have higher level skills and it all starts in utero but then those early developmental milestones and that early stage. So anyways, I can see how God has made connections with the knowledge that I gained through college and through experience and then just having the biblical knowledge that I can put it together.

So even though I quit working to homeschool my children, I tell my husband all the time, I feel like I can't fully quit because I have so much God-given knowledge that I just want to share because not only is it helping children and families, but it's helping the future of our church. And why wouldn't I want to share this information?

Elyse Scheeler (19:41)
I love that. think that what you are, yeah, when we are called and I mean, maybe you felt this way too, like.

you can try to do something else that like, no God, I don't think that this is actually what you mean. And then all of a sudden God says, no, no, no, this is, am, if you're not getting the message now, I'm gonna help you get the message. And sometimes, know, hopefully it's all in positive ways, but sometimes we have to, you know, we go, oh, well actually that was the right choice. So I love that. So tell me a little bit about the micro school. How does that work? You provide services there. You also are like,

Tiffany Parsons (19:55)
Right.

I'm

Mm-hmm.

Elyse Scheeler (20:15)
like in more of the traditional sense, what does that look like?

Tiffany Parsons (20:19)
Yeah, so like I said, we meet two days a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And so we come in and it is a very traditional setting and we use the classical education. And then any students that I think need services and the parents agree and we do like an evaluation, I'll treat them during extra things such as recess or gym class or things like that or after school, whatever works best for their family.

so that they're not being taken out of their core subjects only during the electives. So it is nice that I'm able to provide both while I'm here. It's convenient for the parents because they don't have to drive to an outside source. So then, like I said, we do homeschool Monday, Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday, whatever works best for the schedule. So.

I do actually have a couple kiddos who don't attend the micro school that I treat either go to a different private school or their home school. So I'll treat like at the local library or something like that on one of the days that I'm not teaching.

Elyse Scheeler (21:23)
I love that. we've been talking more about more of the traditional school setup, but let's say you have a homeschooling mom who has some of these concerns. What types of resources in general are there? know in the state that I'm in, if you homeschool, you lose all of your rights to any of the publicly provided services. Do you have suggestions for that or do even do like parent coaching? Like, is that something where somebody could set something up with you to just get some coaching?

Tiffany Parsons (21:25)
you

So I currently don't do parent coaching. I actually, when I started my private practice, my business name is Agape Love LLC. But I realized that nobody knows what I do just based off of that name. So on Facebook, I actually put the homeschool OT Tiffany Parsons. When I did that, I didn't realize that there was another homeschool OT, Sarah Collins, in a different state.

So she actually reached out to me and at first I was nervous. I'm like, my gosh, I stole her name. But then she was like, no, this is awesome. We are very like-minded and we've collaborated and went back and forth. however, she actually does parent coaching and she does it worldwide because it's all online. So if somebody wanted that resource, I would be more than happy to point them in her direction. And then what was the beginning of that question?

Elyse Scheeler (22:42)
Yeah, I think

Tiffany Parsons (22:43)
Okay. ⁓

Elyse Scheeler (22:43)
that was pretty much it. If there's those other things. So I can include the link in there. Are there any other, like, do you have other, I now remembered. The other question was like, are there other options for homeschool family?

Tiffany Parsons (22:50)
Yeah.

Yes.

Okay, so for our state, in the state of West Virginia, homeschool families are eligible to get what's called a HOPE Scholarship. So that is a lump sum of money that is given to the student to use whatever providers that are ⁓ approved through that scholarship. So I'm actually a provider approved through that scholarship. And even though I'm a private pay practice, I do not take insurance.

I am a service provider through that scholarship so they can actually use their funds to pay for therapy for me. And there are some other services across the state who do that, whether they're speech therapists or outpatient occupational therapists. So we do at least have that resource. And I know that there are some other states that have that as well. But otherwise, the only other option would be doing ⁓ outpatient. And yeah, and just having them take their insurance.

Elyse Scheeler (23:48)
matter.

Yeah, I love that. Well, we are going to get ready to wrap up here. Is there anything else that you wanted to close with?

Tiffany Parsons (23:53)
Mm-hmm.

No, like I said, or you actually said, it's okay to ask for help. You know, we want to do it all alone. We feel like if we ask for help, maybe we're not strong or we're not, you know, being a great mom, but we get it. Like, we get caught in survival mode. We get caught in checking all the boxes, you know, making sure there's food on the table and the dishes are clean and the schoolwork's done.

⁓ But there is a village out there and sometimes you got a search for it But it's out there and that's kind of you know My goal is trying to just get the word out there that you know their services Sometimes we got to work a little harder to find it, but it's worth advocating for it's worth fighting for because it's only going to make your life better your child's quality of life better and ⁓ I'm happy to see ⁓ an increase in these services

in unique ways and unique settings and especially faith-based ones with biblical worldview. I think that is amazing and I'm so happy to connect with like-minded practitioners and families.

Elyse Scheeler (25:02)
Love that. And then you said they can find you as far as the socials go at the homeschool OT. Is that correct?

Tiffany Parsons (25:09)
Yes, yes the homeschool OT comma Tiffany Parsons on Facebook. I do have a website www.agapeloveot.com but yeah I can also send you information on my friend who does some parent coaching.

Elyse Scheeler (25:24)
love that I will include all of those things in the show notes as well. Thank you so much for your time. I love everything that you're doing and I think you're helping to give some gentle reminders and hope to those parents that there's lots of options and not to be afraid to advocate.

Tiffany Parsons (25:29)
Yeah

Yes, thank you.
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